I am in a dilemma right now. Let me see if I can accurately explain the situation (from my POV), then I will tell you my dilemma.
Tonight, while Lexy and I were watching Ratatouille, (very good movie that looks absolutely gorgeous on Blu-Ray) two of my roommates decided to mess about with another roommate’s computer. I wasn’t sitting around them while they were doing this, but the gist of what I heard of them doing was messing with some settings, scouting browser history and chat logs, and turning on logging for applications that previously were not logged, presumably for future snooping. The majority of what I believed them to be doing was gathering information on the owner of the computer for whatever reason. I think they both had some very, VERY personal reasons for the snooping, but I could be wrong and digress.
So, here was my reaction after the movie was over (I finished the movie because I was interested in it): I thought they were invading the roommate’s privacy. The computer had a password on the login (and I think screen saver, but don’t quote me on that) for a reason. That reason, to me personally, was to protect the content on the machine from prying eyes. Something I think the two did not respect. So, I confronted the two of them and said that I did not like how they violated the privacy of someone I live with and if they cannot be trusted to not mess with that particular person’s things, then how could I trust them with mine? The both of the roommates had been using my car to get themselves to work as a courtesy from me. I told both of them that since I can’t trust them with other people’s stuff, then I can’t trust them with my car and my things. This, naturally, upset both of them. I was hoping to have a discussion with them about this situation, but both walked away and later short discussions lead essentially nowhere for now. I keep thinking that I can tell how they really feel towards me, but truthfully, I can’t really tell. My friendships with them both have been hitting quite a few rough patches over the past few months. Both of them are long time friends, but now, well, I’ll get into this next part in a bit.
Here is my dilemma: Was I right? I know, heavy question. My brain tells me that I did the right thing, that I handled the situation like it should have been handled. My emotions, on the other hand, tell me that I should have stayed out of it for the sake of the friendships. Like I said, these are long time friendships having known both of these people for a very long time. Recently, it seems, I have been doing more and more to jeopardize these friendships. I love both of them very much and it really does hurt me to feel this way toward them, to not know whether or not I can trust them. Maybe I did overreact, maybe it wasn’t any of my business, but it seems that the type of snooping they were doing was NOT harmless and that just makes me uncomfortable.
I did my best to keep any information of the identity of those involved, other than myself and my wife watching a movie, concealed from those not involved in this situation. Please let me know if I should lock this post from the public.
I think you did the right thing in confronting them in how you felt that in THEIR actions you feel that you cannot trust them with YOUR personal space. (Your car is a persons very personal space, just what I think)I would then have notified the offended party to let them know that people where seen messing with their computer. You don’t have to say what just let them know.
You did what you could at that point and I would leave it there. Don’t push for answers anymore, you got what you needed. Make them ask to use your car again then you can engage them again, about how their actions has made you uncomfortable about allowing them near your personal space’s and things. Nomatter what they think. They not only offended against the owner of the computer but against EVERYBODY in the house. They broke a trust that was established for the entire house. And if one person or two persons are not going to follow that, then the trust cannot be trusted so to speak. Whats next do you need to put deadbolts on your bedroom doors? I myself would feel VERY uncomfortable with this. And would make that VERY known.
I understand you have to keep the piece, but people in this house need to grow up and check their maturity levels. They are all technically adults. And should act as such.
I agree with Mike. I suppose I could see where someone would think you overreacted slightly with the taking back of the car. However, I don’t personally think that at all. I think trusting the people you live with is important. I know how much you’ve struggled with this in your head since it happened, so I know you don’t take your actions or your friendships lightly. I hope they don’t think you are some kind of ruler-on-high or some such, because you were calling them on something that was wrong not just in your judgment, but I think wrong in a lot of circles. Like Mike said, if they bring it up try to talk about it again if you like. I suppose if you get really uncomfortable you can bring it up. But you made your opinion known and you don’t really owe anybody any further explanation.
I have to agree as well. Trust is an important thing in friendship. I hope whoever was messing around with another’s stuff realize it wasn’t a good idea. You didn’t over react. You simply made your point in the best way you could think of. They need to respect that and deal with it. If they don’t like how you are they have two options. They can either leave or adjust.
On another note… I though Ratatouille was an excellent movie also.