Film, Gadgets, and Geekdom

Into things, that is. Maybe I bitch too much about my life and how it’s being lived around me. Well, if I didn’t talk about my life, I would most likely be less interesting than I am now. Imagine that. Me. LESS interesting. Wow. Hard to imagine.

Anywhoo. I found out tonight that I’m not the kind of person that my friends would want even to have a drink with. Yup. Apparently I’m not the kind of person who could just drink and chill out. No, apparently I’m the kind of person who would want to talk about “things” when I drink.

You know what? I haven’t had a conversation with ANYONE in this house since we moved in. In fact, every time I’m home, people are gone. Every time I’m away, people are at home. I’m not saying people are trying to avoid me. Its just that I like hanging out with the people I live with and I never do. I haven’t even had a decent conversation with my best friend. I’m not saying we have to talk about drama shit or any of that (though I know there is a lot of that on his mind), but, a decent mind-exercising conversation would be nice. Apparently it has something to do with how he thinks I perceive his manhood or that he’s a failure or some shit. I don’t know, its all fucked up and funny. I’ve noticed that he has become much more of a douchebag and an asshole since some shit happened. Its fine if you are trying to be funny once and a while, but holy crap cracker, sometimes people actually like being around a decent human being once and a damn while. I’m really starting to get pissed off about it. It really sucks living with a person who doesn’t give a shit about you or insults you and everyone around you constantly.

Which brings me to another topic. I’ve noticed that there is an awful lot of humor-at-expense going on around here. Mostly directed at Lexy. Thursday night was really bad. I was getting upset about it, it was so bad. Apparently it was “make fun of Lexy” night all night until people decided they had better places to be. That really makes for a comfortable living environment. “Let me make fun of you until I decide I’m tired of being around you.” “It’s so funny that something grotesquely embarrassing happened to you, even though it’s really mean.” No “I’m sorry that happened to you.” No “those people were so mean.” Nothing like that. Only a, “tell everyone else what happened to you that was so funny.” I don’t think it was funny. I think it was embarrassing and of low character; however, apparently terrible things happening to people are funny. That makes me think that maybe *eating cheese is funny*. Maybe I’ll start making jokes about it. That’d be great. I mean, it’s a terrible thing that’s happening to the two of you, so it must be fucking funny, right? I don’t want to live in that kind of house and hopefully you don’t either.

It really hasn’t been all that great living here. I mean, it has had its fun times, but overall, it’s been draining. I can’t hang out with my friends because they are either all not here or being a complete dick. There is only so much TV and video games can do for me to keep me occupied. I can’t rightly go out and make new friends because when I try that, it becomes so painfully obvious how much people don’t really like me. Either that or they don’t get my jokes. I tried to be funny and open and spriteful at a presentation I gave in a class and the reaction was one of bored crickets. I’ve moved past my belief that there is some sort of conspiracy. That was bogus. I think I’ve settled on the idea that I’ve moved in with the wrong type of people. People who, when I am removed, get along and have fun. Now, when you add me back in, I become this monster that one must please in order for there to fun of any kind or the fun all happens in secret. That isn’t exactly true, but the feeling is there.

So, remember. When I’m watching TV or playing a video game, usually its because I have nothing better to do. I have no place to go. I have no people to see. I live with the only friends that I have ready access to (JC friends are not considered readily accessible) and they’re usually not here to hang out with. Then at the end of the day when Lexy asks me to go do something with her, I am so depressed from a day of doing nothing with nobody, that I just can’t see the point in doing anything. It isn’t anyone else’s fault for that, I know. Only I am responsible for how I feel, but sometimes (regardless of what the professor of my Interpersonal Comm class says) you can’t help but feel how you feel.

There you go. Another entry where I bitch about what its like to live in this house.

I FUCKING HATE DRAMA!!!  There has been so much god damned drama in the past week… I am so tired of it.  All this shit going on.  Most other people think that it doesn’t involve me.  Well.  It does.  I live here too.  I have to listen to people either slam doors, kick shit around, be a complete bitch or asshole either to me or someone else, or any combination thereof.  Frankly, I’m tired of it.  I went through a very severe and difficult bit of drama a couple of months before moving into this house.  I don’t want any of this crap anymore.  I’m not really at liberty to talk about any of this, mostly because I don’t feel like talking about it.  Let us just suffice to say that I really am tired of living in a house where I am looked over because of all the shit going on between people.  Yeah, I know, it sounds rather selfish, but you must realize that I hardly ever get to see anyone I’m living with.  I moved in with all of these people because they were my friends.  Now, with my class schedule and working, I get home at 7pm, which apparently is let’s-go-out-and-get-drunk time.  I’m serious, like every night, half this house comes stumbling home drunk from the bar… after I’ve gone to bed.  That is probably an exaggeration, but still, it’s a lot.  I never say anything to people because I don’t want their frustration with what’s been going on to be directed at me.  So, anyway, I get home at seven and the house is (generally) empty except for the two other people who get up and go to work early in the morning.  This is my whole damn week.  Then Friday rolls around and everyone either is at work or out doing something else.  So, I’m stuck at home, not really doing anything, watching TV, playing video games, et cetera until I get tired and go to bed.  It wasn’t so bad until all this fucking drama started up.  It still wasn’t bad when one couple broke up and they kinda kept it under wraps.  Then the other couple broke up and then there was some brief crisscrossing.  Even after that was over, it made for a rather stressful and unhappy house.  I argue that it still does.  Then compound this with the fact that Lexy and I are getting married in a shade under three weeks.  Yeah.  Stress.  It sucks a huge cock.  I sit here and try to tell myself, “This isn’t any of your business.”  This has kind of been my mantra for several days now, but its a failed mantra.  Every time I tell myself that it isn’t my business, my own brain counters with, “You have to live with these people.”  Personally, I think my brain a rather smart fellow who knows what he’s talking about.  So, when he comes up with a good point like that, I naturally agree with him.

Now, you could definitely argue that I could just stay out of all of this shit and just be all Zen about it.  There is a problem with that.  I’m the kind of person who cares about his friends.  Not that I’m saying that other people don’t.  No, what I’m saying is that I like giving little nuggets of advice to people.  Unfortunately my advice nugget warehouse hasn’t had that many withdrawals, but that’s another deal entirely that I have already bitched about.

I have turned out to be a rather observant person over these last few months.  I have made certain conclusions from the thin evidence that I was given that have turned out to not only be true, but really true.  I’m talking dead on educated guesses here.  I have missed a couple of things, but there are good explanations for those that I will not go into in order to protect the *ahem* innocent.

*Sigh*  I wish my life worked out so I could go to Independence on Wednesday or Thursday and get some Buffalo Wild Wings and a movie.

I really do think this whole moving into a house with five other people was possibly the worst decision we’ve made.  I hate moving.  Now it appears that with all the shit recently, we get to move again in a year.  I hate this shit.  So fucking much.  If I’d stuck with Computer Engineering, I never would have been in this situation.  That one decision.  Such an idiot I am.

What have I done?