I was sitting here having a chat with Adam (a very short chat) and started thinking, You know, this shit with John has really fucked me over on friends. I told Adam that I am thinking about starting to play Warhammer 40k as the Daemonhunters and all I got was a “right on.” Now, I wasn’t expecting a party, but maybe a little interest would have been nice. I mean, he immediately changed the subject to himself and his car and how it doesn’t have a good bumper or good speakers… Ok. I just couldn’t get interested in that. How can I be interested in someone who doesn’t express interest in me? What does this have to do with John? I really think that Adam and Steve are starting to think that maybe John was onto something by removing me from his life. It seems that I’m not part of any serious conversations anymore. I tried to talk to Steve about this stuff with John and he just changed the subject. I can understand him not being comfortable talking about that stuff, especially since he is good friends with John.
I think I was set off on this anger spiral by Adam’s comment to a note on Facebook written by Sarah. I really don’t have any reason to be angry. Maybe I didn’t like the apparent tone of Adam’s comment. Maybe I don’t like how Adam appears (to me) to dismiss Sarah when Adam wants something. Maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know. Not anymore.
Sometimes I get overly sensitive. I need to stop dwelling on myself. It’s kind of hard to do though. I’m living with someone who straight up lied to my face for several months. I was best friends with someone who actually hates me and will talk shit about me at any opportunity. It’s really hard not to take things personally when you have friends like that. I need to work on that.
That reminds me of a commercial that I saw about friends of people with a mental illness. I’m not saying that I have a mental illness because I’m not into that whole create a new condition for every minor annoyance. Sometimes I wish I had friends as supportive and interested as the guys in that commercial. I know people like that exist because I’ve seen it.
God damn, I bitch a lot. How do you stop thinking thoughts that automatically pop into your head? *sigh*
